Found myself expostulating to a friend:

 

I have almost completely (except on a bad day) stopped thinking *back* to when I could. There’s only so much living in what-if and if-only that a gal can take. Took me a while though; in fact I’m still perfecting it. As I re-emerge from the isolation of the last few years, I’m faced over n over again with things that I used to take for granted.

 

And I keep wanting to tell people: I used to be an efficient PA! I used to be the best secretary on the site! I could do event-organising and schedules, and before that I was bookish and academic! I once spent a week walking through a desert! I could run and jump and dance (uphill at that) with a three-year-old on my head! …

 

Instead I try to learn whatever it is that my new self can do and wants to do. With the focus on learning, it does feel like ever-onward – rather than the looking-back thing which just kills, doesn’t it.

Advertisements