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Where to lay the blame?

Sunday 28 September 2008

(c) mmSeason 2008

My first (i won’t say ‘successful’, but at least ‘finished’ (‘finished’ not as in ‘polished’, but as in ‘I made it to the last line) pantoum. Devour it.

 

I’m still deciding where to lay the blame.

Can it be true I simply was a tool?
I suffered guilt, believed you felt the same.
Was I a criminal, or just a fool?

If it is true I simply was a tool,
I don’t know if you knew where it would lead.
Was I a criminal, or just a fool,
a girl who didn’t know how deep her need?

I don’t know if you saw where it would lead
or if you didn’t guess the pain we’d find.
This girl, who didn’t know how deep her need,
imagined you adored her for her mind.

And if you didn’t want the pain we’d find.
perhaps you didn’t know how it would end?
Imagining you loved me for my mind,
I broke a friendship that I couldn’t mend.

Perhaps you didn’t know how it would end,
but you behaved as though your hands were tied.
I broke a friendship, which I couldn’t mend.
I never knew how many times you lied.

Yes, you behaved as if your hands were tied:
We couldn’t finish what we had begun.
I cannot know how many times you lied –
You let me think I was the only one.

I couldn’t finish what you had begun,
so quickly did it grow beyond control.
You made me think you were the only one
and part of you made part of me feel whole.

So quickly did it grow beyond control,
I ached with guilt. I thought you felt the same
and part of me made part of you feel whole.

Now I’ve decided where to lay the blame.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Friday 17 October 2008 7.47 pm

    Hi Mand,
    I’m really glad I found your post on this sort of poetry. Love it! Working on one today…..

    Cheers

  2. Saturday 4 October 2008 3.27 pm

    I’ve only been blogging 4 or 5 months but it’s what you say, so far. Thanx for the About – i now know more, and less, but enough more. 80) Yep, the closet’s comfortable but i feel better for ‘meeting’ you.

    I’ll be posting more of my writing, but sooner than that probaby something about plants. It’s been a heavy couple of weeks for getting to the pc.

    And without getting too personal will you elaborate on – no, not the road less travelled – on one of your loves: can your finger get out of a Nutella jar more than will fit in your mouth, or the other way around? Bet i can do the former.

    I may just have to go to the kitchen now and find out.

  3. Saturday 4 October 2008 2.25 am

    “This girl, who didn’t know how deep her need,
    imagined you adored her for her mind.”

    Oh too familiar,….. beautiful work.
    Thank you for the nudge I needed to finally put up an about page. Blogging is a funny thing, or rather our own relationships with our blogs is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels presumptuous, other days cathartic, and on great days you feel a little bit of solidarity with bloggers who you never would have crossed paths with. btw, thank you for stopping by. All that to say, I have come out of the blogging closet.

    Looking forward to following more of your writing.

  4. Wednesday 1 October 2008 4.10 pm

    I’ve printed your villanelle definition (never can remember the rules of verse forms) and am going to have a go. No promises to post the result, though, until i see what it’s like. While i’m in a ‘fallow’ period and can’t produce anything i’m happy with, i may as well produce unpoetic stuff fitted to rules, instead of unpoetic stuff in my usual free verse that would be simply unpoetic, lol.

  5. heathergracestewart permalink
    Tuesday 30 September 2008 7.55 pm

    Hi! Thanks so much for your comment on my first-ever villanelle. Found this poem of yours and just loved it -especially “I couldn’t finish what you had begun.” I didn’t realize it was a pantoum until I later read your note “Playing with a pantoum.’ Now I’m the one who’s impressed!
    I am going to stick with free-verse as it comes more naturally but perhaps and only perhaps I may try a pantoum one of these days….

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